“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could be better changed in ourselves.”
- Carl Jung
Couples Counseling
How do we form safe and comfortable relationships? We learn how to communicate in a way that allows for repair and connections. One of the most important areas I address is the quality of communication.
A relationship needs attentive, responsive, and engaged communication like a plant needs water.
There often may be what is called a negative feed back loop, where the communication seems to be spinning like it is on a hamster wheel and neither partner feels seen, heard, or understood. This pattern is repetitive and ultimately leaves both partners in a confusing and often frustrating place.
Ultimately, my work with couples and relationships involves a an overarching simple structure: YOU + ME = US
When two people come together they form a third party called relationship, or us; simply stated there always are 3 parties: a you, a me, and an us. We spend the sessions together taking the unwritten rules and patterns of us out of the imaginary world and allowing it to show up in the room. We begin to dissect and understand the cycle the relationship finds itself in.
Our early life situations usually reinforce the patterns our personality already has. This often becomes the focus as the counseling gets more developed and involved.
What are the belief systems each individual has about relationships? What style of attachment do I have or I am used to? What is the cycle and pattern of us?
Lastly, what do the you and me contribute to us? Most importantly what do you and I want out of the relationship called us? This is usually in the later stage of counseling and signifies things in the relationship are starting to shift.
